Saturday, May 26, 2012
31 Things :: Story 4 - Faith
From life’s little road bumps to powerful moments to great changes in my life, my faith has been a constant place of refuge. I was baptized Catholic as a baby, attended church with my family every Sunday, and even attended Catholic school for 12 years. There were years when I had my doubts and felt I didn’t need God, but He gently brought me back. I’m in a good place now -- one where I’m aware but seeking a closer relationship with God. Every day I spend time reading the daily scripture and praying, and every week I go to Eucharistic Adoration and spend an hour with Jesus and write to Him in my prayer journal.
Lately I’ve been praying for control and focus in my days. Every week I write in my prayer journal about it and ask the Lord for help and grace to be able to focus and gain control back particularly over my diet and exercise and my schedule. This past week I felt ashamed to write it AGAIN.
And then I decided to go back to the beginning of the year and read my prayers in my journal. Wouldn’t you know EVERY week I prayed for focus, control and simplicity! And then I had my “aha” moment. All along I’ve been praying for control – how stupid is that? What I need to be praying is for God to take control, and for me to stop stressing about it so much.
So that’s what I wrote – “Lord, I give you my life.” … and then immediately following, “but how the heck do I do that?” And He answered “pray… spend more time with me, and I’ll show you.”
Immediately following writing in my prayer journal I went back to reading a new book I got for free on my Kindle by Francis Chan called Crazy Love. And his words reinforced my “aha” moment… “Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.” He goes on to explain that often as Christians “we think and live like the movie of life is all about us” and God is there on the sidelines to consult with us when we feel we need help. Or like we’re playing a sport and God is our biggest cheerleader. When in reality the movie is about God – he created the scene, and the characters, and is directing the action. He should be making the calls on the field, and all we have to do is listen and do as He asks.
Since my “aha” moment I have been fairly diligent about prayer. Both dedicated quiet prayer time each day AND talking to God throughout my day. Last week I couldn’t find my car keys, and I didn’t immediately fret about it assuming they were in a coat pocket somewhere. I used Jeff’s keys in the meantime and/or Jeff drove so I never thought about the fact – or worried – that my keys were missing. This morning I went to take Sean to preschool and remembered that my keys were still missing. I suddenly became very anxious about the fact that my keys hadn’t been found yet. The worry started to build up in me, and I remembered to pray… or more like God was reminding me not to worry. I asked the Lord (and St. Anthony) to help me find my keys and they reassured me that it was well within their control. I let go of the worry and moved on with my day.
Later that day I found the keys laying in the bottom of a basket in the mud room. I said out loud, “Thank you, Lord!” And He replied, “I told you so!”