Saturday, July 25, 2009

The miracle of life

I'm a couch potato this weekend. It's a tough life, but someone's gotta live it. I'm resigned to the fact that my husband will try as best he can to wait on me hand and foot. But since I don't really look sick AT ALL he's often forgetting this fact. I'm not. My uterus feels like a science experiment about to go bad.

Rewind 36 hours ago. We arrived at the fertility center practically on the shores of Lake Michigan. And if you know where I live you realize what a hike this was for us! I dragged my lazy butt out of bed at 4:30am, showered, dressed, checked email, and finished last minute preparations for Sean's caretakers for the day. We really are blessed with good friends who are willing to drop everything and help us by watching Sean for the day. In our case it takes a village to make a baby, let alone raise a child!

The fertility center was freezing. Either they didn't want bacteria to breed there, or it was so damn early there wasn't enough body heat radiating through the place. We were there for what is called a frozen embryo transfer. Which has nothing to do with the temperature of the center. It's essentially thawing the tiniest of babies and placing them in my uterus. When we went through IVF the last time (of many!), we produced four healthy embryos and only transferred two. The other two were cyroperserved, and this day we were transferring them into the fluffy confines of my uterus in hopes of getting pregnant again.

Our journey to parenthood was very long with its ups and downs, but it was all worth it. Sean is more than we ever dreamed. Right now I'm wathing him play with his trucks. Looking back, it's surreal. This time around I'm very content in accepting God's will for our lives. My faith is strong, but I'm only human. Not so very long ago I struggled with leaving it all up to Him. Sounds crazy, I know. But when the longing to be a mother burns in every fiber of your being, and it doesn't seem as if it's going to be reality, you start to question your faith. In hindsight it all becomes clear. He didn't place that longing in me only to say "nah!". It was only that I needed to wait for His perfect time.

I'm feeling ok. A bit tired from the trek and anethesia from yesterday. I have some cramping and I can't remember if that happened to me in the past. Never before did I chronicle my symptoms this early in the game. However, suddenly the feeling of being in tune with every twinge, pinch, and ache in my body comes rushing back to me. It doesn't bring back pleasant memories, and this scares me a bit. Deep breathing. My faith is strong.

As I was saying, this time is different emotionally. Our prayers have already been answered - we're parents. Any siblings for Sean will be icing on the cake. In two weeks time we will have taken a pregnancy test and know if we are pregnant or not. Right now there are two itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny babies inside of me trying to decide if they are going to stick around. Literally.

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