31 Things :: Story 10 - Evening

5:00pm  ::  Start cooking dinner. But more than likely I’m looking to see what/if I had planned, and if I remembered to take the meat out of the freezer. Probably not.

5:10pm  ::  Call Jeff to see what time he will be home from work. Ideally he’s left already, and should be home by 6:30pm. But more than likely, he doesn’t answer his phone because he’s in a meeting.

5:30pm :: Sean has started to pick up his toys without being asked. Oh, who am I kidding? He’s whining and crying about having to pick up his toys, and I’m giving him the choice to leave them for me to pick up but then they get put into the basement. He cries more. I grit my teeth.

5:45pm :: Ideally dinner is in the oven cooking. But honestly right about now is when Jeff calls me back to say he’ll be home by 7pm. Worst case scenario I forgot to take meat out of the freezer, and we debate where to get takeout.

6:00pm :: Sean still whining about picking up his toys

7:00pm ::  Say grace. Eat dinner. Talk about our day. It’s one of my favorite times. I can unwind and enjoy talking with the two people I love the most in the whole world.

7:30pm :: At the beginning of the week, I go back to work and Jeff spends time with Sean and puts him to bed. At the end of the week, that’s my duty. Bedtime is unfortunately not at a regular time. It can be as early as 7:30 if Sean is particularly cranky and tired. Or it can be as late as 9pm if he took an unexpected nap. The good news is once he goes to bed, he stays in bed. We’re lucky not to have to deal with bedtime battles.

Bedtime routine ::  Potty, wash hands, brush teeth, bedtime story or two, prayers (Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be + daily thanks/praise and petitions),  goodnight kisses, turn on musical lullabies, “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.” Sean replies, “Good night, sleep tight, don’t let the Tyrannosaurus bite.”

8:00pm ::  By now I usually feel exhausted and want to go to bed, but I always have something I want to do which usually equates to “me” time. Catching up on emails & facebook, watching a TV show I recorded, downloading and editing photos, digital scrapbooking, etc. Whatever it is I get energized by it, and my exhaustion fades away.

10:25pm :: I tell myself only a little bit more of {insert whatever I’m working on}…  I’m giving myself until 11:00pm, and then I’m calling it a day.

11:15pm  ::  I convince myself I’m not even tired, and that midnight is more reasonable.

Midnight :: I drag my butt into bed, and start reading to calm my mind. I tell myself I’m only going to read until 12:15pm… but we know how that goes!

31 Things :: Story 9 - Money

My first job out of college was as an Admin Assistant and they offered me $22,500. This was in 1992, and I was PYSCHED! I remember talking to a co-worker at the Hallmark shop where I was a part timer, “I’ll bring home $1500 a month. The only bills I have to pay are my student loan, car payment, gas, and insurance.  I’m going to have like $500 leftover every month!” Woohoo. I thought I was the cat’s meow.

I was lucky to live at home with my parents after college rent-free. When I was 28 I decided to buy my own condo. I was making a lot more money by that point, and it was burning a hole in my pocket.  A few years later, Jeff and I married and were able to use the profit made on the sale of the condo as part of a down payment for our house (Jeff also had significant savings).

We were affectionately known as DINKs– dual-income, no kids. We both had high paying jobs, and we enjoyed more than a few great vacations. Disney World, San Fran, London/Ireland, and Hawaii. We also started infertility treatments which were mostly paid for by our HMO insurance, thank heavens. In 2005 we decided I would quit my full time job to focus on starting our family. Suddenly we went from being DINKs to SINKs. Whoa, big change. But we were able to keep our heads above water.

Then Jeff lost his job in December 2009. Now we were a no income with a toddler family (don’t think there’s an acronym for that!). We were optimistic he would get a new job soon, so we didn’t change our lifestyle too drastically. But we should have. He was out of work for 18 months. In that time we did start to buckle down and watch what we were spending. I started couponing and doing better with meal planning so we wouldn’t be tempted to eat out. For a while we were able to keep up with paying off our credit card bill monthly, but eventually we had to start carrying a balance. Once we started to drown, we played the credit card game by opening up new credit cards to transfer balances on 0% interest offers. Ugh.

Jeff received & accepted a job offer last May. Woohoo. I kind of went crazy with spending. I felt like a kid in a candy store, but I can’t even tell you what I bought. In January we sat down to do a budget, and this is when I realized how much debt we incurred while he was out of work. We ended up cutting things out of our budget, and recommitted to only spend money on things we need. Can we do better? Absolutely. But it’s at least good to know where we stand.

Next week we had planned a vacation to Mackinac Island in Michigan to celebrate our 10 year anniversary, but once we did our budget realized we couldn’t afford it. So now we’re doing a staycation right here in Chicago, and being tourists in our own town. We also have a Disney trip planned for December using our DVC membership, and enough reward points on our credit card to buy park passes.

Our last big purchase was to start the adoption process in February. That was a big decision and beaucoup bucks, but one that we were willing to make concessions in other areas of our life in order to finance. Praying it’s worth it.

31 Things :: Story 8 - Transportation

Driving was never a big thing for me – many of my high school friends had cars, and I was perfectly content with them driving everywhere. Even in college I didn’t have a car which proved a bit of a hassle when I moved off campus my sophomore year. However, I could easily take the city bus to campus and that’s what I did.

My junior year in college I studied business overseas in Maastricht, the Netherlands. We were told we could buy a used bike from an old man behind our apartment building. He sold bikes out of his basement, and didn’t speak English which made the transaction interesting. But soon my friends and I were all outfitted with bikes. Through rain and snow. Over bridges and through tunnels. Often with a load of laundry. Once I got caught riding between parked cars and a moving bus. My hand caught the brunt of it, but it’s fun to say I was hit by a bus. It was an adventure.

Trains were our second mode of transportation, and we quickly figured out the complexity of the European train system. One time I traveled solo to visit my German pen pal. Not even a ½ hour into my trip I needed to change trains in Aachen, Germany. Unfortunately I got off at Aachen instead of Aachen West, and just as fast as I figured it was a freight station they closed the doors behind me. The train whished off leaving me behind. I sat down and cried. Luckily there was a train schedule posted so I could see another train would come in an hour, so I waited … and cried some more. My trip took 5 hours, and since I was coming in an hour late I wasn’t even sure my friend would be there to pick me up. But she was, and I was never so happy to see someone! She and her boyfriend ended up driving me home that weekend. I guess they didn’t want to risk me getting lost in the German countryside. Whew.

During my Senior year of college my parents bequeathed me the Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme which was affectionately called, “The Timex” because it took a lickin’ and kept on tickin’. It survived an accident and being stolen, stripped & recovered in downtown Chicago. It was reliable, that’s for sure. And it served me well for a few years until I could afford to buy my own car. In 1993 I bought a Geo Prizm, and loved that little car for about eight years.

In 2001 I sold the Prizm to my cousin, and upgraded to a VW Passat that we still own today. I love this car and appreciate the power and control of German engineering. I don’t, however, like the price tag of maintenance. Ouch. That same year Jeff bought a Ford Excursion because it was (and still is) the largest passenger vehicle on the road. He’s like that – the bigger, the better. These are the two vehicles we own today, but unfortunately because of the gas mileage & Jeff’s long commute I’m stuck driving the Excursion and he’s stuck driving the Passat. Neither of us are very happy with the arrangement. Jeff would rather be in a bigger vehicle, and he hates how much it costs to maintain the Passat. I REALLY hate how big the Excursion is, and people hear me complain about it at least once a week. It’s like trying to park a space shuttle.

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I dream of owning a minivan.
There, I said it.

31 Things :: Story 7 - Work

Today’s really not the best day for me to write about work. I’m frustrated and aggravated. I’ve been teaching marketing and advertising classes for an online university the past nine years. The money is good, you can’t beat working in your PJs, and it allows me the flexibility to be a work at home mom which is important to me.

I take my job seriously – I’m not just in this for the money. I want students to appreciate, and maybe even love, the art of marketing and advertising. Sure, many students don’t give a damn. But I expect them to at least read the textbook, submit assignments on time, and put forth effort.

Unfortunately I’ve become jaded in nine years dealing with students who want to be rewarded for showing up at the last minute and paying tuition. And last year the university came up with a faculty scoring system that’s based on end of course surveys. Great! [said with a high degree of sarcasm] Now the students who want to be rewarded for just showing up – perhaps plagiarizing their work and getting caught – are pissed that they’re failing and have an outlet to blame it on me. That in itself wouldn’t be so bad, but the calculations make it nearly impossible to get a high score. For the life of me I can’t figure out how I can receive 15 positive reviews, 4 negative and receive only 1 point out of a possible 15. This is what was emailed to me this morning.

Sure, I could not put forth as much effort. Not read the papers as closely and thoroughly as I do, and not give as detailed feedback and as a result award higher grades. I can make sure everyone who shows up and submits assignments passes. This would be one way to increase my score. And gosh, it would be a lot easier for me to spend less time and not have to deal with
angry students.

But I won’t compromise my work.

Yet it feels like that’s what the University wants me to do. What’s disturbing is I know there are instructors who are doing this. I’ve had students retake a class, and submit to me their previous work and grade feedback. Other faculty have given them a perfect score for work that doesn’t even address the assignment objectives. Ugh.

On days like today I dream of doing something else. For 12 years I worked in corporate marketing, but the idea of going back to working outside of the home makes me queezy. I take on part time projects from time to time with my previous employer which is great money, but not consistent or reliable. My creative spirit fueled by my business sense longs to start my own business… yet being a perfectionist and not much of a risk-taker holds me back. Someday. Right now my priority is being a mom to a small child and hopefully another on the way through adoption. Jeff and I have talked about me being a stay at home mom full time, but we can’t do it right now financially.

So here I sit. Grading papers, and gritting my teeth.

31 Things :: Story 6 - Dear Me

Dear 16 year old me,

I swear I was just you yesterday, but my size 20 jeans tell me it was long ago. You look gorgeous in your size 13 jeans. Don’t beat yourself up for not being a size 6. Embrace yourself. That perm on the other hand I’d advise not doing again. The 80’s were not kind when it came to fashion.

I’m 42 years old now. I know you’re thinking that by 42 you’d like to be a Pulitzer prize-winning author or the President of a local small business, happily married to your college sweetheart and raising three teenagers on the east coast. Well, your world is about to get rocked. But chin up, it only lasts a short time and I promise you that God has bigger plans for you. You’re going to move across country and attend three high schools by the time you graduate. Ouch. It sucks, I know. But believe me when I say you will grow to become a strong, patient, independent woman because of it. Even though you have your heart set on Penn State, you’ll attend Indiana University and have the time of your life (don’t be stupid when you study overseas in the Netherlands. It’s best to just avoid alcohol altogether). The Midwest will be your home, and you won’t be able to imagine it any other way.

Life is not always going to go the way you want but that’s OK. Trust your instincts and trust God. I promise He won’t let you down. You’ll lose your job, your dad will die unexpectedly, you’ll face infertility, and miscarry a few babies. None of this is what you have planned for your life, but trust me when I say you’ll be fine. Your faith is strong, and you’ll surround yourself with good people. My 42 year old self needs to remind herself of this often.

Get ready 16 year old me, because all of your dreams will come true plus more! Stop worrying about your love life because you’ll meet the most wonderful man on the internet (you don’t know what that is yet, but it’s going to connect people and information like you’ve never imagined), and get married. You’ll have an amazing son who will remind you how loved and blessed you are. You’ll love being a mom. Your favorite part of the day will be first thing in the morning when Sean smiles at you. But you’ll battle with him daily to clean up his toys. The apple does not fall far from the tree when it comes to being messy. You will dream of having more children, and take a risk by pursuing adoption. That might be hard for your 16 year old mind to grasp, but you will be amazed how much love your heart can hold if you allow it.

You have been and will continue to be a perfectionist to a fault, but we’re working on that. It’s hard to be everything to everybody, and you’ll often get overwhelmed by what you believe is being expected of you. Keep the house clean & tidy, stay ahead of grading papers, play & do crafts with Sean, eat right, exercise, be a super mom, cultivate your creativity, and more. Be gentle and remind yourself to continue working on being the best ME you can be in each moment. Be content.

 “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around, it may pass you by.”  -- Ferris Bueller*

*Go see this movie next month – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. It’s going to be one of your favorite movies of all time!

31 Things :: Story 5 - Conversations

For as long as I can remember, I longed to be a mommy. The smell of Johnson’s baby wash gets me high. I can’t get enough of little piggies. I swore I’d never feed my child hot dogs, but now quickly zap a dog in the microwave like a pro. I can give my child “the look” and he knows to go to the naughty spot. I rock my little person back to sleep after a bad dream, and I kiss every boo boo. And will gladly kiss a thousand more boo boos. Because that’s what moms do. Moms rock.

But in no way did I anticipate loving the conversations I’d have with my little guy. I’m a work at home mom teaching college classes online so most of my adult conversations are via email and instant message. I talk to Jeff on the phone a few times each day, and maybe my mom or mother-in-law. But the majority of my conversations are with Sean -- the four year old going on thirty-five who could easily be a lawyer when he grows up, but my aunt says he’s too smart to be a lawyer. Thank goodness I’m on Facebook to have conversations about my conversations with Sean. The best have been documented forever…

"Sean, come clean up your toys." ... "Mommy, the problem with that is there is just too much." ... "Yep, that's why you have to pick it up."... "Well, then I quit."

"Sean, I love you to the moon and back" ... "Mommy, I love you to God and back."... He wins.

Jeff was trying to tell Sean about the Ten Commandments.  Sean said, "Daddy, don't make me use my tone with you."

Recently we were talking to Sean about how God hasn’t blessed us with a baby brother or sister for him yet, and he said, “It’s ok, don’t worry. He’s working on it.” Out of the mouths of babes.

“Mom, this bathroom is a mess! There's pee on the wall, cabinet and toilet.” 
I scream, “WHY ARE YOU PEEING ALL OVER THE BATHROOM???” Sean chuckles, “I didn't do it! My pee pee did.”

“Mommy, I love you so much I want to marry you.” … “But I'm already married to Daddy.” …”Oh, then I'll marry my Trio blocks.”

Saying prayers with Sean tonight... he said, "God, bring me a baby brother or sister, and put a baby in mommy's belly." I explain that not all brothers and sisters come to a family through mommy's belly. Sometimes they are born in another mommy's tummy (adoption), and then come to live with us. Sean replies, "Well, God can you deliver us a baby by UPS?"

"Mommy, you're the bestest thing is all of life"... now, that's a nice way to start your week.

31 Things :: Story 4 - Faith

From life’s little road bumps to powerful moments to great changes in my life, my faith has been a constant place of refuge. I was baptized Catholic as a baby, attended church with my family every Sunday, and even attended Catholic school for 12 years. There were years when I had my doubts and felt I didn’t need God, but He gently brought me back. I’m in a good place now -- one where I’m aware but seeking a closer relationship with God. Every day I spend time reading the daily scripture and praying, and every week I go to Eucharistic Adoration and spend an hour with Jesus and write to Him in my prayer journal.

Lately I’ve been praying for control and focus in my days. Every week I write in my prayer journal about it and ask the Lord for help and grace to be able to focus and gain control back particularly over my diet and exercise and my schedule. This past week I felt ashamed to write it AGAIN.

And then I decided to go back to the beginning of the year and read my prayers in my journal. Wouldn’t you know EVERY week I prayed for focus, control and simplicity! And then I had my “aha” moment. All along I’ve been praying for control – how stupid is that? What I need to be praying is for God to take control, and for me to stop stressing about it so much.

So that’s what I wrote – “Lord, I give you my life.” … and then immediately following, “but how the heck do I do that?” And He answered “pray… spend more time with me, and I’ll show you.”

Immediately following writing in my prayer journal I went back to reading a new book I got for free on my Kindle by Francis Chan called Crazy Love. And his words reinforced my “aha” moment… “Worry implies that we don’t quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what’s happening in our lives.” He goes on to explain that often as Christians “we think and live like the movie of life is all about us” and God is there on the sidelines to consult with us when we feel we need help. Or like we’re playing a sport and God is our biggest cheerleader. When in reality the movie is about God – he created the scene, and the characters, and is directing the action. He should be making the calls on the field, and all we have to do is listen and do as He asks.

Since my “aha” moment I have been fairly diligent about prayer. Both dedicated quiet prayer time each day AND talking to God throughout my day. Last week I couldn’t find my car keys, and I didn’t immediately fret about it assuming they were in a coat pocket somewhere. I used Jeff’s keys in the meantime and/or Jeff drove so I never thought about the fact – or worried – that my keys were missing. This morning I went to take Sean to preschool and remembered that my keys were still missing. I suddenly became very anxious about the fact that my keys hadn’t been found yet. The worry started to build up in me, and I remembered to pray… or more like God was reminding me not to worry. I asked the Lord (and St. Anthony) to help me find my keys and they reassured me that it was well within their control. I let go of the worry and moved on with my day.

Later that day I found the keys laying in the bottom of a basket in the mud room. I said out loud, “Thank you, Lord!” And He replied, “I told you so!”