31 Things :: Story 19 - Listen

It’s Thursday morning. I listen to two little boys whisper quietly. Sean had his first sleepover with his friend Drake. They were both excited, and from the sounds of their conspiratorial whispers the fun will continue today. Summer has arrived.

I listen to my alarm buzz noisily in my ear, and I quickly remember I have office hours I need to log into on the computer.

I listen to little feet scampering down the stairs, and their voices rise in volume once they realize I’m awake.

I listen to birds chirping a little too gaily as I water the flowers on the front porch. I’m so not a morning person. 

I listen to the pancakes bubble and two little boys asking if they can help. I can’t resist, and let them stir the already well mixed batter. Who cares if the pancakes are tough.

I listen to Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked in the background. The boys are now watching it for the second time since yesterday.

I listen to Sean whine about going potty before we leave. I roll my eyes and take a deep breath while I lead him to the bathroom not saying a word.

I listen to 105.5 on the radio while we drive to the children’s museum. It’s an hour’s drive and I’m looking forward to listening to music. I have to change the channel a few times because I begin to question the lyrics of some of the songs.

I listen to not enough music. When I do it’s usually like this in the car or on my Kindle Fire while exercising at the Y. Black Eyed Peas… Coldplay… Jack Johnson… Owl City.

I listen to Pink sing Don’t Let Me Get Me and actually hear the lyrics this time. “I’m my own worst enemy.” Ain’t that the truth? I listen to God inside my head tell me to focus on the road… and to love myself.

I listen to hammers & saws (real ones!) inside the museum, and wonder why the heck they allow small children to use these things. I wince as I actually cut my own finger. “Let’s go boys, let’s go see what else they have here.”

I listen as Sean tells Drake, “I’d like a ticket for the 7 o’clock train”. They’re both dressed up as if they’re going to work, and both serious as all get out. I chuckle and feel my headache start to release. I ask Sean what he’s doing, “I’m going to work, Mommy” he replies as he gets on the pretend train. I ask him what his job is, “I work on the pirate ship.” Of course! all pirates go to work on the train with a blazer and briefcase. How silly of me.

I listen to Jeff say “Love you” as we part from lunch. It was nice being able to see him during the day.

I listen to the Black Eyed Peas sing I’ve Gotta Feeling and I turn it up on the way home. I look in the rearview mirror and see two little boys singing and dancing in their seats. Yep, I’ve gotta feeling that everything’s going to be all right.

31 Things :: Story 18 - Shoes

I love my Crocs. Yes, they’re ugly. Yes, they look stupid. But man, they’re comfortable. And easy. And they don’t stink. I remember when they started to become trendy, and I would stare at people wearing bright red, clown looking Crocs with a furrowed brow. I thought, “I don’t care how comfortable those things are, I’m never going to wear them.” And here I am today, a Croc lover. Eating my words.

  

I do love me shoes. But they must be comfy. I think I’ve owned maybe five pairs of heels in my life, and only one black pair of short heels are in my closet right now. I’ve always been a big, tall girl and felt very conscious of that fact when I was a teenager and young adult. I always felt that heels made me look like a giant. And man, they hurt. Being a giant with painful feet has never made me feel beautiful.

  

Surprisingly my feet are not big for being five feet ten inches tall.

In fact, they are relatively short and fat. My mom calls them my Fred Flintstone feet.  My personal trainer shakes her head and wonders how I don’t topple over. I wear a nine wide. Technically I could fit in an eight and a half extra wide width, but it’s hard to find cute shoes in that size. Nine wide will do, thank you.

Shoes are scattered all around the house. I try to contain them in closets and baskets in the mud room and the back door. But they tend to land wherever my weary feet decide to shed them. This means I’m often found searching frantically all over the house for whatever shoes I’m wanting to wear at the time.

I have a mish-mash of all sorts of casual shoes. Lots of flip flops, toeless sandals, a couple pairs of running shoes, a few pairs of Crocs, hiking boots I never wear, one pair of short black heels, several leather slip-ons in black and brown, and snow boots...

Crocs of course.

31 Things :: Story 17 - Technology

I’m a gadget girl. I love new technology, and my heart flutters when something new hits the stores. Our family is techno geeky here at home.

I have a Dell laptop.
Jeff has a work laptop.
Sean has a Lenovo laptop Uncle Johnny gave him.
I have a Kindle Fire tablet computer that everyone fights over.
We have an HP desktop computer.
We have an old HP desktop computer upstairs.
We have several external hard drives.
The TV is linked into the hard drives.
We have a Wii gaming system, and a PS2 gaming system.
Everything is connected via wireless router.

I have a blog.
I'm on Facebook.
I'm on LinkedIn.
I'm on Pinterest.
I email daily.

I work from home, and my job is 100% online. My students connect with me via email, instant message, and live chat lectures. I’ve never met my boss or anyone else for that matter face-to-face. I’ve talked to just a few people on the phone over the past nine years. This is in stark contrast to when I went to college with a typewriter, and we needed a RAM disk to start the computers in the Mac lab. And the internet was just becoming a reality, and email didn’t exist. My first job out of college I had my own computer but it was DOS-based. We didn’t even have voice mail.

I’m also a realist, and really don’t like spending a lot of money on something I don’t think will add value to my life. Jeff and I both have “dumb phones” that are simply for phone calls. We don’t have internet or text on our cell phones. Oh, don’t get me wrong – my inner gadget girl would LOVE a smart phone, but my inner realist says I don’t need to spend the money on a monthly data plan. And I worry about being so connected that we no longer connect in a real and substantive way. I don’t want my relationships to be just status updates, tweets and texts.

Then  again I met Jeff online twelve years ago, well before it was trendy. We courted each other via email before we ever met. The most important relationship in my life started with email. Then we got married. You can’t get any more connected than that.

31 Things :: Story 16 - Uniform

There’s this awesome TV commercial for Tide Sport laundry detergent. A woman is sitting with a friend at an outdoor café, telling us about why she loves to use the laundry detergent, “I use Tide Sport because it helps to get odors out of athletic clothes. I mean I wear my yoga pants for everything – hiking, biking, yoga, pilates.” Her friend stops her with a questioning look. She rolls her eyes, “OK, I wear yoga pants because I’m too lazy for real pants.”

Hilarious. That’s so me.

Being a work at home mom I don’t have to get dressed up every day. Some days I might even stay in my PJs although I do start to feel a little grungy in the afternoon, and find myself taking a shower and getting dressed. My daily uniform is my black yoga pants from Lands End. Love them. I have two long length pants, and four capri length pants. All black except one pair of capris is dark brown. Most days I have the intention of working out at the YMCA, so I have a valid excuse to wear said yoga pants… yet lately I seem to find equally valid excuses NOT to exercise. Ugh.

If I’m not wearing yoga pants I’m usually wearing jeans. And they must have some sort of stretch to them. I have one pair that doesn’t and I curse them every time – my chub prefers a little breathing room, thank you. My tops are varied but almost always cotton fabric as I lean more towards comfort than anything else. I have a few blousy polyester type tops too that I like for parties. I like to wear jewel colors – blues, pinks, greens – and find I’m drawn to patterned tops but solids are a favorite as well.

Now that spring has arrived and summer is around the corner I’m excited to pull out my capris and short sleeved tops. And since I’ve lost about 20 pounds my wardrobe has expanded to include my “skinny” clothes. You know those pants and tops you outgrew because your waistline somehow expanded from eating those Girl Scout cookies, but you swear you’re going to lose the weight and fit in them again. Yep, everyone does it. Except this time it paid off and I can wear them again. Woohoo.

Yet I still find myself often staring blankly in my closet when I need to look presentable (aka, not wear yoga pants). I’m completely bored with my wardrobe. I have no real style to call my own unless you call casual lazy a style. I rarely have the desire to buy new clothes because I’m not thrilled with my size. I’ve made a deal with my husband that if I lose 100 pounds I’m spending $5000 on a new wardrobe.

Meanwhile my yoga pants fit me just fine.

31 Things :: Story 15 - 9:15am

It’s Sunday morning. I’m still in bed. I certainly didn’t plan to sleep late but I’m secretly relishing the fact that it’s quiet and I’m alone to stretch out in bed. My head aches a dull pain reminding me I stayed up too late reading a new book. Oh yes, and Sean woke up at 1:30am crying that his toe hurt badly (oh so badly, mommy!). He hurt his baby toe playing on the trampoline next door during Emily’s graduation party last night. Nothing says a good party like a sprained toe.

The ceiling fan is humming overhead, and I tuck the covers under my chin and snuggle in for a little longer.

I’m wearing my blue Lands End PJs. I changed the sheets a few days ago and they still feel fresh. I silently thank Jeff for buying the 600 thread count sheets that I thought were a waste of money. Heaven knows I’m not going to admit it to him, but I love the indulgent, soft feel.

I hear Jeff cuddling with Sean in his room. They’re talking about his toe. I’d love to sneak down there to see them and maybe snap a photo, but I know the magic would be lost. These two need the time to connect on their own.

I feel the gnawing, grumbling of my tummy. I want to eat breakfast, and I remember we have a few donuts leftover from Country Donuts from yesterday. So much for getting back to eating healthy.

I check my email on my Kindle Fire, and I’m excited to hear from my friend Kelly. She & her family moved to Iowa last year. I miss her.

I’m about to check on my Facebook, but Sean & Jeff climb into bed with me. Ah, I love these boys. I roll over to put my Kindle down on the nightstand and my headache pounds in my sinuses, reminding me I need to take some Advil before tackling the day. But first, a smile & hug from my little man. Now that’s some good medicine.

31 Things :: Story 14 - View

The view from here is peaceful. It’s Saturday night. I’m at Eucharistic Adoration in our church, St Thomas the Apostle Catholic Church. I come here every Saturday from 9:30-10:30 to spend an hour with Jesus  who is present in the most holy Eucharist. The church is silent except for the hum of the ceiling fans.

I see Jesus ensconced in a beautiful golden monstrance on the altar. The lights above shine directly on it making it glitter. It’s so bright I can barely even see the Blessed Sacrament exposed within it. I believe this is a glimpse of what heaven will be like when I see Jesus there – rock your world dazzling!

I see the altar surrounded by spring flowers and greenery. It’s definitely a time for new growth, and I’m inspired.

I see Mary to the right of the altar (not literally, but I do believe her spirit is there) adoring Jesus as well. She often looks at me briefly with sadness or joy depending on my prayers and meditations. Today she is content and focused on her Son. As am I.

I see a women crying during her meditation and I wonder if they are tears of sadness or joy. I pray it’s the latter, and comforted to know God is listening and caring for her the same He is for me.

I see a man reading his Bible and I wonder if his mind wanders sometimes like mine does when reading Scripture. I pray he hears God’s message tonight.

I see prayer candles lit behind the altar in the chapel area. I am humbled to think of all the prayers offered. This week especially. We traveled to downtown Chicago two times this week to visit the aquarium and planetarium. Both days I was acutely aware of so many different types of people… my heart was so happy! God loves each and every one. I may find someone odd or different or creepy even. But not God. He loves everyone no matter what. How cool is that?

I see the stained glass windows and marvel at their beauty. I imagine this must be how God see us. Each a unique color and shape, beautiful on its own. But together – OH MY! – what perfection and beauty and meaning.

I see all of my prayers written in my prayer journal. Prayers of thanks, prayers of petition and prayers seeking answers and truths to the worries of my days.

The view from here is peaceful. Thank you, Jesus.

31 Things :: Story 13 - Chores

I struggle with household chores big time. I like things neat, clean and orderly, and I crave organization and simplicity. But I’m a messy person at heart and unfortunately so is Jeff so we often live in chaotic mess. Our only saving grace is we have Maggie our cleaning lady come once a month to do the deep cleaning. Therefore we are forced to clean up for the cleaning lady, which always makes me chuckle (and groan at the same time).

When I was a kid my mom affectionately called me her Messy #2 (my brother, Mike, was Messy #1), and I was regularly called home from my friend’s house because I didn’t make my bed. My room was always a nightmare. However when I moved out on my own into my condo, I was proud to say my place was generally well kept. My mom taught us well about cleaning & keeping house, and we each had daily chores in the summertime.

Now I’d like to blame our general sense of busyness that keeps us from having an organized home. Sean and his inordinate amount of toys makes it one hundred times harder to keep up. Being a work at home mom has its perks, but it also means that Sean keeps himself busy all day while I’m working and isn’t very keen about putting things away when he’s done. Right now Sean knows he needs to have all of his toys picked up and put away by dinnertime. If not, Mommy picks everything up and it gets put in the basement where he’ll have to earn them back by doing extra chores. A lot of toys are in the basement, but he’s doing much better.

Our kitchen is the worst, particularly the island. We come in from the garage, and drop whatever’s in our hands on the island and that’s where it sits. Dishes can also be a nightmare, piling up in the sink. Right now it’s my job to empty the dishwasher and put everything away. It’s Jeff’s job to load. If one of us forgets, everything piles up literally and the kitchen is an absolute mess.

I tried Flylady.net (an online cleaning coach) which is a success for about two weeks at which time I felt like my mom was calling me home from my friend’s house. I just didn’t want to do the work. And still don’t.

Part of me says screw it, the mess doesn’t define me. Yet when the house is clean and organized I breathe easier – literally – so I know it would be a really good thing if I could get into a regular habit with chores.  It’s one of my goals for 2012, but I have yet to work on it. Have I mentioned I’m a procrastinator?